I wanted to paper-cut myself with it until I BLED TO DEATH

So, Aella called me up the other day.

Aella: "Medeeeeeeeeiiiiiaaaaa. We got a book in the mail today and I don't have time to read it.... soooooo...."

Me: "Sure sure, I've got this one. What book is it?"

Aella: "Uhm, it's the fifth book in that Vampire Kisses series. [note: Here is where my natural mistrust of all vampire books kicked in. And also note the fact that it is the FIFTH book]"

Me: *looooooong sigh* "Does that mean I have to read the whole series first?"

Aella: "Well you don't have to."

Me: *thinking: it'sgoingtobeawfulit'sgoingtobeawfulit'sgoingtobeawful* "Okaaaaay"

And so the next day, at the library, I checked all of the books in that series out. I got home and started reading the first, Vampire Kisses.


The main character's this "Gothic"chick (yes, every time an instance where the word goth could be used, "Gothic" with a capital G is used) who is an outcast and no one understaaaands her *insert whiney teen stereotype here*. And this "Gothic girl" (not even Goth Girl, so I could be reminded of the awesome book by Barry Lyga) lives in "Dullsville" with her mother and father (former hippies) and her younger brother, "Nerd Boy". And somehow, though everyone hates her, the head jock keeps wanting to drag her off for make-out sessions. Oh what is poor Raven (named after the Poe poem, of course) to do?

Meet a "sexy Gothic guy", a "knight of night", a "Gothic Dream Mate" who also happens to be a vampire, evidently. And not only am I quoting from the book word for word, but everything in quotes is used a million times (the phrase "totally out of this world!" is used twice. On the same page.) Oh the redundancy.

And the best part? It was the wrong series. *slightly crazed giggle* Hehehe, there go several hours of my life I'll never get back.

Moral of the story: If you value your sanity, don't go near Vampire Kisses with a ten-foot cattle prod. Though, it is pretty hilarious. I was laughing at the awfulness when I didn't want to beat myself over the head with it.

Pulling Crown Duel, the Haunting of Alaizabel Cray, and Wicked Lovely off her bookshelves in the hopes that they will help her rehabilitate from the mental torture she has been subjected to,


P.S. Aella: You. Owe. Me.

P.S.S. Oh and also, we don't have the series that I was supposed to be reading. Great.

P.S.S. No, I didn't make the second half of the post in a larger font on purpose. Blogger apparently loved Vampire Kisses and wants to punish me for slamming it. Well, you know what Blogger? *mutters stream of (thankfully) unintelligible suggestions*


Anonymous said...

He...he...that seems to be a new tag. I'm not familiar with that one. I am so incredibly sorry. *grovels*

Chelsea said...

I'm going to take a guess and say the fifth book is from the Morganville series? Trust me, MUCHMUCH better. The vampires are creepy badasses in it, instead of sexy gothic lovers. Much better. Just trust me.

Medeia said...

Yes, indeed it is the Lord of Misrule. And you're right, it is much better... though it would be difficult to be any worse.

Anonymous said...

Haha, I've read that. And yeah, it's pretty damn awful, eh?
...The thing that always stretched my belief the most was that she was the ONLY GOTH KID IN TEN MILES, OH MY GOD. Like, dude, I'm from suburban hell too. What mall doesn't have a Hot Topic?

Anonymous said...

On the other hand, Morganville OWNS. That and Vampire Academy are the only two vampire books I still read.

Medeia said...

And I hated the trying-to-be-witty allusions. "Where are you going? To an interview...with the vampire?" and "It's only a flesh wound."